Bear and Gum

Characters

Bear

Bear

“Someday I’ll maul you all to death, but right now I’m applying for a boat loan.”

Bear is 45 year old and works for the magazine “Ham and Champagne”.  He is twice divorced from his wife Joan Goldilock and has no children.  Having lived many years now stuck in a job with minimal advancement possibilities and no option of hibernating, Bear is incredibly unhappy.  Aside from ordering around his assistant, Joseph, and occasionally hiring people, he doesn’t even know what his job is.  Bear dreams of living in a cold, dark cave with Lisa, a female voice from over his cubicle wall.

 

 

 

Gum

“Don’t tell anyone I’m here.  I have a history of being misunderstood.”

Created by government scientists in 1963, Gum is the result of an experiment gone awry.  Hoping to clone Mickey Mantle from a piece of old chewing gum, the scientists were not happy with the ultimate result.  Now out on his own, Gum is looking for what he knows he deserves: millions of dollars, dozens of beautiful women, and a majestic palace made of gold.  The first step in his long journey?   A job at “Ham and Champagne” magazine.

 

Gum

 

Joseph

Joseph

“…”

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